For a variety of reasons I’ve conditioned myself and been conditioned in life to minimize my dreams. In many ways dreams are dangerous. They open the gateway to change and disruption, something risky. They also connect back to desire for the potential of life. It’s much easier to stay in stasis with the status quo with desire at a minimum. However I probably don’t need to tell you that cycle of repression is harmful. In a very real sense dreams are a lifeblood for me to continue being, and so I am seeking to allow myself dreams again. Some big,…
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This month has sucked balls. Like it’s not been all bad, there has been meaningful/good things that have happened too, but it’s been a while since I had a month this bad with my health. If it’s not my fatigue (which it almost always is), then it’s a GI flare that decided to hop on board, if it isn’t either of those it’s an attack of insomnia or bad mental health. If it’s an unlucky day it’s all of them together. There is a word that a lover of mine uses to describe these moments to differentiate them from survival,…
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The difference between traveling and being traveled and the way my circumstances have shaped what I consider home.
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I meant to write this earlier, but then the weather got so unbearably bad that I basically couldn’t think for about a week, and then I had to recover from that. I had some long poetic post to write about it, but the quick of it is that my circumstances have changed since my last post and I’m able to get back to creating videos again. It’s in a limited capacity but it’s still a substantial improvement. I’m taking a lot of care to make sure I’m only working on things for it when I truly have the resources and…
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A brief glimpse into part of my journey and the intricate ties of creativity in my life.
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At this point I have been writing in some form or fashion for the majority of my life. I’ve dabbled in poetry and short stories, even tried to write a novel or few(all abandoned), and I have been journaling and blogging since 2003. Professionally I’ve written a number of whitepapers and more technical reports than I can remember. Hell I’ve even written scripts and at least part of one screenplay. Yet if someone asked me “are you a writer?” my instinctual response would be no, which would be a factually inaccurate statement. I’m not entirely sure where that is coming…
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It’s interesting to me how life manages to repeat in so many ways yet still be so different. Twenty years ago I was going through a period of significant discovery, starting to truly learn who I was on some fundamental level as an adult for the first time, and getting plenty of things wrong in the process. I was experimenting with my identity and almost grasped some of my identity as a non-binary person before I was led astray for many years. I was still doing circus arts, and chasing my dream, but I was struggling to stay afloat. Ten…
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I have been meaning to set up something like this for a while. I wanted a place where I can more directly share my thoughts and reflections, preferably without the intermediaries of mainstream social media sites. I’m new to WordPress so I imagine there will be plenty of large theme/etc changes coming up as I learn to shape this site into what I wish for. So far some of my reflections I suspect will include: There will be plenty else likely, but for now I am going to focus on keeping the challenge of posting as low as I can,…